Jesus Christ, What a Mess!

J. D. Carlston
3 min readJun 17, 2023

I fell asleep watching YouTube (1:51:13) and woke up to the Inca being destroyed by the conquistadors.

The strange smile on the narrator’s face. The weight of his words not really resonating within his voice.

The Incas filled three huge rooms to ransom their leader with the sweat of the sun (the name for gold) and the tears of the moon (silver). Pizzaro strangled him when they were done.

This stained history is me. And I feel my teeth gnash and heart fire. Relive what I see happened in my minds eye. Feel it. Relive being choked, choking, the fear and rage and pain of millions of displaced, murdered souls, of countless others in the desecration of self.

Embrace it all. Calm all fear. Nourish your senses.

I opened my eyes to see this cathedral. That gold was used, in part, to adorn this baroque cathedral that aggrandizes the glory of Jesus Christ. What a spectacle!

The psychopathy of the things done in the name of Christos. The beliefs we’ve held that allowed the trail of tears, rape and murders, the Holocaust, in wars in the name of… whatever.

To other any part of life. In small ways and big. All the “isms.”

To murder so many others. For who they are or aren’t. For who they love or how they look. For the women, the children, the BIPOC and LGBTQIA communities even still, to abuse and murder and “reeducate” our children. It is staggeringly, torturously, unconscious. The ways we treat our canvas, our land, our home. Our Eden.

The meaning we make and the love we show for one another.

The Christa Project

This cathedral displays the glory of Jesus like the walls of a charnel house displays our love of animals. Our love of life.

Awareness brings compassion and nuance.

shock -> disbelief -> anger -> sadness ->
acceptance -> forgiveness -> gratitude -> flow

Bathed in the blood of Christ, the blood of life. The trails we leave are tears. The babies killed. The pain and mistrust and abandoning of self and the mind.

All for thou. All in thy name.

I Love You.

All for Thou

All in Thy Name

Guilty Guilty Guilty

all to Glory

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

all for All, always

the sweat of the sun

the tears of the moon

the rape of the Divine

the ravishing of our humanity

of our innocence

of the wilds within

gas chambers

warning us

warming us

upon the trail of tears

at the bottom of mass graves

i for I

found murderous lies

sexual assault

domestic violence

fratricide, infanticide

crimes against humanity

feel it now

feel it here

the pain and suffering

let it live within you

in this filthy grail

let that pain wrack your body

haunt your mind

in testament



stay connected

how it happened

how we let it happen again

and to step into

the recognition

that allows us

to be

come dream

a new dream

awake with me


Turn and look where you dare not look. Our shadows control us when we run from them. I’m grateful for this sacred pain even as I wish it weren’t who we are.



J. D. Carlston

Human hacking the boundaries of experience. Mixing Poetry & Engineering. Making hay wending wyrd. Twitter:@jdcarlston, IG:@r0zm4ddr, (they)